This Saturday sees the latest running of the Grand National, an iconic horse race and also an event which holds a special place the the hearts and memories of many families.
Many of us, perhaps even most of us, will have fond memories of gathering around the TV as a family to watch the race, likely shouting with rising excitement as we give vocal support to our horse. Perhaps the horse we picked randomly from the office sweepstake, or maybe the horse we chose from the newspaper “pull out”, based simply on the vibrant colours of the silks the jockey is wearing.
The likely reason why we do remember it so vividly and so fondly is the joint sense of excitement and uninhibited emotions which were on show for all to see and feel.
It truly is an iconic and fun spectacle.
So, please, if you are watching it this year we hope you do enjoy it.
But we do have an ask for you.
If there are any children or young people watching with you, and if perhaps they are having their first ever bet on the Grand National, please take note of how they are experiencing the race. Please take time after it finishes to sit down with them and discuss their emotions.
Ask them how they are feeling, are they ok?
If their horse lost, as most horses will, they are likely to be feeling disappointed. Please explain to them that this is a natural human response, an emotion which they should not feel upset about. It is alright to feel disappointed.
And if their horse has won, or has placed, then they are likely to be feeling on an emotional high. If this was their first ever bet then we think it really important that you explain to them that gambling will not always be like this. That most of the time people who gamble will lose. Winning is the exception rather than the norm.
We think it is really important that they do not let that high set the pattern for their expectations around gambling. That they are dissuaded from thinking that gambling is somehow easy, or that they are naturally gifted at it and that it will always make them feel that good.
First impressions matter.
How we feel the first time we do something does set the benchmark of how we expect to feel in future when we do that thing again. And, sadly, that initial first high is unlikely to ever be repeated. Even if we do gamble and win again it probably won’t match up to the elation and emotional high of that first time win due to the novelty involved.
This can lead to many people developing unhealthy and harmful relationships with gambling simply because they are drawn to try and emulate the dopamine hit and sheer elation of that first win. Which places them on a road to continual disappointment. Even when they do win again the high they get from doing so is unlikely to ever match up to their memory of how they felt that first ever time. But if that positive association is fixed in their minds following that first win, and is not challenged at the time by someone they respect, then it may be that they will keep on trying, forlornly, to recreate something which can never be recreated.
So, even if it does seem a bit cruel to be bursting their bubble of emotional high following their first ever win, we do think that in the long term it will put them in a much better position to avoid falling under the illusionary spell of gambling being an emotional rather than logic based activity.
Just as the lessons from the recent Adolescence TV program are that we should be careful not to let bad influences set our children on misguided pathways to harmful behaviours due to not giving them platforms and spaces to openly discuss what constitutes healthy values and beliefs around who they are expected to be, so we should also seek to protect them from being adversely impacted by misguided responses to the emotions which gambling can bring to them.
The lesson we ask you to offer up is that gambling, or indeed any activity, will only ever be harmless fun if we fully understand how and why it is causing us to feel the way we do feel.
The greatest gift we can offer to our children is the power to be self-aware of how things around them affect their feelings. Only then will they be fully able to face any new challenge and know deep down that whatever choice they do make in response will be based on their own understanding of themselves, and not because they are letting someone, or something else control them through their emotional reactions.
So please, do enjoy the Grand National alongside your family and children, but please also make sure that they understand the causes of any emotions it may cause them to feel.
NOTE: If you feel you may want help or support in talking to your children about gambling then please check out our Where-to-find-Help page.